that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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