If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
