How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
