Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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