People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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