I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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