I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
