one might say we're banned from that church
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
