Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
