Don't you send me to vm
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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