sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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