sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
