I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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