Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
