Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
