I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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