This is not my ceiling
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
