i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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