The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
