May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
