I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
