I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
