You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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