The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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