she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
