Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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