So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
