im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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