it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
