Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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