the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
