Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
