you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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