ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
