I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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