If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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