having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
