Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
