You made me cry and you don't even care
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
