It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
