we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
