he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
