Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
