We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
What changed your mind?
Being sober
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
