Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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