does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
