I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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