Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize