1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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