I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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