I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
