remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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