I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
