Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
