I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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