Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
