After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
