i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
