We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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