I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
