i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
