I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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