She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
