I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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