I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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