Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
