I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
