who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize