Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
